Being a Caregiver - Andrew's Experience

Caregiver, Andrew Shaw

When Everything Changed

My wife started becoming unwell while she was pregnant with our daughter, and things got worse after the birth. She couldn’t walk very far without being in pain, and her fingers and arms constantly ached. She developed very sore skin between her fingers and even lost one of her toenails. I was extremely worried.

Eventually, she was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. We both felt a sense of relief in finally knowing what it was, but also fear of what lay ahead—and there really was a long journey in front of us.

The Hardest Moments We’ve Faced

Many medications didn’t work for my wife, and some made her very unwell. One even caused her to pass out. There were countless trips to A&E, GP appointments, and consultant visits. Watching her in pain, upset, and frustrated because she couldn’t do the things she used to do was incredibly difficult.

Then, two years ago, she developed sepsis. This was one of the scariest times of our lives. She was even placed on an end-of-life ward, and I truly thought I was going to lose her. Thankfully, she pulled through, but she was very weak for quite some time afterwards.

I know she sometimes masks her pain, but I can see it in her eyes. On top of her pain and limited mobility, she has also lost friendships and experienced discrimination because of her condition.

Love, Strength, and What Caring Has Taught Me

I love my wife deeply—she is my best friend. All I want to do is help her in any way I can, whether that’s getting her pain relief and creams during the night, helping her dress and shower, or cooking for her and cutting up food that she struggles to manage.

I have also struggled with anxiety due to worrying about her, but I’ve had support with this—encouraged by my wife herself. She always makes sure I have time for my own interests, which means a lot.

I am incredibly proud to be her husband and her carer. Every day, she makes me proud. She is a wonderful mother to our daughter and a loving daughter to her parents. She always puts others first, even though she is in more pain than most people could endure.

If I could offer any advice to someone new to caring, it would be this: be patient, give yourselves time, and—most importantly—accept that you can’t fix everything. That last one is the hardest, and I still struggle with it sometimes, even now.

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About the Author

Husband, father to two girls, carer to his wife. Andrew works in horticulture and enjoys Lego and crafts. As well as fantasy and Sci Fi books and films.